Pretty Profiles, Pretty Pictures, and a Few Plug Nickels, Too

You see, there's a point one gets to when you just don't really care anymore, whether someone "friends" or "unfriends" you on social media. Because these days, that's just how it works. Meaning that the whole paradigm of friendship essentially no longer means nearly as much as it used to anyway. Well, not on social media, it doesn't.

In fact, what really matters the very most in this Life is who you can actually touch. No, not necessarily "touch" in the sense of being able to physically reach out and embrace someone or other, but rather, whose Life you may be able to affect in a positive and meaningful way. Or perhaps even someone who may be able to help you yourself in that regard in return. You know, when the chips are down. When you, or they, literally have no one else to turn to.

Because you see, having a big old "friend list," full of all those... those names... the names of people that one could not even possibly even speak to on a regular basis (or they to you) doesn't make anyone rich, powerful, or even necessarily all that influential. Heck! Some of your "friends" may even be laughing at you. And not the good kind of laughing, which is with you, and not at you.

And that right there is often just how "social" media interactions, and most classic human acquaintanceships, really just plain work anyway, silly! You see, even and especially nowadays, with the big, fancy Internet, people can easily "follow," "hide" from, or even outright ignore your posts and shared content at any time of their choosing. They can even block you altogether, and that, as they say, is that. Out of sight, out of mind.

Or... they might also just humor you, by "liking" every other thing you post. Psst! All of us fancy "connected" folks, we're all sitting behind "personal" computers, you know. So nobody is really beholden to anybody else. And nobody really has to give a crap about absolutely anything anyone says or does. Well... unless you're in someone's immediate family, or you happen to be a co-worker or something of that nature.

So you see, these days, people don't even have to "unfriend" you to actually kinda... well, hate your stinking guts. Or even just dislike you. In most cases, just like a good old fashioned "plug nickel," they'll be more than happy to keep you around, just in case they happen, at some point down the line, to find an old fashioned slot machine that will readily accept you in trade.

Believe me, you'll be just fine down in someone's trusty back pocket, with all the more or less useless lint and spare petty change that can be discarded on a mere whim at any time of their random choosing. And that's just where many of us tend to sit. Until, or even if that is, someone in your social media circle should ever have need of you. And yes, it really is a sad way to look at social media "friendship," but that's just how most human relationships often really tend to be, whether you're a relative, a lifelong friend, etc., etc., etc., notwithstanding.

And then, sadly, it's even worse for those folks who don't even have that much going for them. They don't even have blood relatives who even like them enough to have anything at all do with them whatsoever in the first place. So when everybody else is getting together for Thanksgiving, Christmas, or being invited to a wedding... well, there's so much of a nasty feud brewing in the very bloodlines of the so-called "family," that some people just don't ever get invited to share that "fellowship" anyway. And worse yet, there are even some you're afraid to invite yourself!

And that is how some people end up on the street. Or in the gutter. On the side of the road. All the people all the rest of us lucky ones tend to have to try to ignore on our way to work. Or, even when we're out Christmas shopping, looking for pretty papers and pretty ribbons of blue. You know, for all those important people on that big, fancy, all consuming "social" list of names. And names. And names. And quite often, not very much else of any true and lasting substance.

But I guess that's just people for ya.

On the Nature of Postmodernist Devolution

Unfortunately, these days, most people can't even be bothered to read a paragraph or two at the top of a typical social media post, let alone write a good old fashioned letter (or even an email, much less a few coherently worded sentences in a simple chat session) to a friend or relative.

In Medieval times, Christian churches, and later, cathedrals, had only just begun to be filled with art and various forms of  religious iconography (such as stained glass depictions of Biblical stories and statuary to venerate Christ and other important figures) in a concerted effort to educate the largely illiterate masses who could not yet even read the scriptures.

In those days, in fact, churches and monasteries were not just centers of worship, but tended to be the only places, outside of the royal court, or the homes of the most affluent, where the laity (the common man) could actually go to learn to read and write. Of course, we've come quite a long way since then. At least we like to think so anyway.

That's why, in fact, all the best 19th century literature, for just one example, tends to be rather lengthy, even wordy, and full of verbiage that, nowadays, in the world of quickly and easily digestible pop-culture entertainment, tends to make many a "modern" man's head spin by sheer comparison.

I fear therefore, that as a species, the human race may actually be digressing when all most folks can be bothered with is the mere seconds it takes to scroll past pretty pictures on Facebook; a veritable cornucopia of visually oriented stimulation that usually incorporates only a single sentence or two, and thus conveys but the simplest of ideas, often expressed in a mere brief quote at the very best.

And worse yet still, quite often, even these colorful "memes" tend to have absolutely no punctuation, or may even be full of grammar and spelling errors, to boot. So much for human "social" progress, eh?

On the Nature of Friendship

Some are former friends. Some are future friends. Yet still more, and perhaps even the vast bulk of interpersonal acquaintances, whether great, small or anywhere in between, are merely Purgatorial in nature. Or rather, many are but friends in waiting. Because sometimes we (hopefully) humble human beans, we who may forever struggle desperately to sprout, ever clawing to burst through the earthly crust within which we are quite literally rooted, to strain, to stretch, to reach beyond our mortal grasp toward the photosynthetic brilliance of the great Divine. So, sometimes we may simply have little choice but to wait until the moment when we are truly ready to actually BE, or merely to have, the truest of friends.

"Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, Or what's a heaven for?"
~ Robert Browning

Social Media Groups: A Veritable Microcosm of the Banana Republic Paradigm

One really should think very carefully about whether they really want to be in so many Facebook groups. Which, you do realize, the designers of the widely consumed social media site tend to heavily promote in the hopes of keeping large numbers of users immersed in the use of their platform for hours and hours on end - when maybe, just maybe, most of us really could (or should) be doing something else, something much more productive or beneficial with our valuable time.

Of course, I too like to find like-minded people to share my hobbies and interests with, and thereby conveniently connect with them via a remarkably versatile electronic platform such as Facebook, but the unfortunate fact remains that a whole lot of these social media groups actually end up serving as a vehicle for a high school (or even mafia) style clique to form; a cloistered, insular little world with its own built-in social structure (aka, pecking order), with a curious and sometimes rather shockingly obvious pseudo-cult-like dichotomy.

Take for example, the fact many of these clique-centric groups tend to be headed up by a more or less charismatic leader, who naturally provides a kind of dogma - a strictly defined way of behaving and even thinking that one is highly discouraged to not deviate from. Therefore, if one happens to not agree with any or even ALL of the established guidelines and strictures of a given group, they obviously do not really belong. After all, dogma is dogma. The rules are the rules. In other words, one is required to drive safely between the painted lines, and stop when and where indicated. And if you don't... well, you're a rule-breaker, a miscreant, a truant. That's just how it works.

And just like in the Real World, the one beyond our all-consuming personal computer monitors, when you get out of line (even just a little), there is always someone waiting to slap you down. Sometimes they slap you down gently. Sometimes however, they tend to be much, much more overbearing. Which is all fine, I guess. Because, after all, the group belongs to the charismatic leader and his or her trusted compatriots, doesn't it? They started the whole shebang in the first place, so obviously, they can do whatever they want. Within reason, of course.

But sometimes this head honcho, this "Grand Poobah," this charismatic Mao Zedong type dude who started the group in the first place has more than just a few simple rules. Sometimes they even have something akin to a "Little Red Book" (the Chinese Communist bible, for those not familiar with the man and his mythology). Sometimes though, the charismatic leader type person, the veritable Moses of any given Facebook group, doesn't even have time for all those tempestuous commandments! Sometimes, the group itself is merely a vehicle designed to worship the vaunted Numero Uno, the god-like el Presidente of their very own electronic banana republic. But then... little tin gods, or just mere shepherds, as the case may in fact be, also tend to be rather busy watching over their flock (or basking in the glow of their very own heavenly glory), you know.

So obviously, group leaders need lieutenants. They need enforcers. Therefore, as a natural result, there are usually at least a couple of 'Oz the Great and Powerful' types, who serve as almighty "group moderators." Sometimes there are even half a dozen of these free ranging, mounted policing sort of fellows. Or, God forbid, even more than that! In fact, some lesser group members, who may actually be positioned a bit further down on ye olde Totem Pole, are in fact so overzealous, and eager to climb the ladder skyward, just to hopefully ingratiate themselves with the Great Leader, that they tend to assume the unofficial role of moderator.

These self-appointed grand wizards of social media are always lurking in the background, ready to lower the boom on nasty miscreants. It's not even consciously vicious on their part most of the time though, thank God. Nah! That's just how human group dynamics tend to work, you see. Because obviously, there is always a natural need to both monitor and moderate what everyone in a given group writes or shares. Obviously. I mean, what if someone shares a sexually suggestive, or downright pornographic image? What if someone suddenly decides it's okay to make negative comments about a given race or ethnic group? What if someone is just too clueless to realize that they really shouldn't be dropping the F-bomb all willy-nilly on a social media platform that is actually intended to appeal to people of all age groups?

So let's be honest then; some people are simply not as nice, tactful, or polite as others. Some people are even rather clueless, and don't even seem to realize what they're really up to. They simply do not think too awful much, or deeply enough, rather, before they suddenly share a potentially disruptive post, and then... hastily press ENTER. But mostly, I think everyone at the heart of any given dispute or social media group kerfuffle actually just secretly covets the group leader's lofty position.

I mean, "Everybody wants to rule the world," don't they? Well, certainly not everyone, but you get the point. So, whether we all realize it or not, some folks within the group dynamic are just not quite as content as they really could or should be to simply be a mere member. You known, just another face in the crowd. After all, it's the group leader's world, you know. Get out of line, and you may get the cyber equivalent of ye olde death ray; the cruel and immediately punishing lighting bolt that suddenly comes raining down from the Internet heavens above to smite the wicked. Hence, the need for strictly defined group rules in the very first place.

Unfortunately however, overly restrictive Facebook group rules, or needlessly overbearing group moderators, can often stimulate the inadvertent creation of certain individuals who themselves may not realize that they have indeed become what is commonly known as a "troll." And as everybody who's ever been in any social media group for any appreciable length of time well knows, a troll is any particularly troublesome person who may, for various reasons, tend to feel quite alienated from (or simply in disagreement with) many of the other members. In other words, they feel (or may simply be made to feel) like a typical outsider.

It should be noted however, that these pesky trolls are often actually just deeply frustrated people who, for whatever reason, simply feel that they do not belong. They may even see some key flaw, or even a whole array of flaws, in the established parameters of the group dynamic, and therefore feel the need to antagonize, or "needle," the group leader and his or her wolf pack every single chance they get. In other words, a troll likes to harass the herd, perhaps in the hopes of picking off and feasting upon the life-giving crimson gore of the weakest (or simply most vulnerable) members when their carefully timed shenanigans inevitably cause a frightful stampede - or rather, a mass disruption of the otherwise calm and contented overall demeanor of the flock.

Because, really, that's actually what it's like when you're part of a group-think mentality. One really is just another one of the hopefully contented grazing herd - whether this fact may be fully realized or not. Which is a dichotomy that is perfectly fine for some, but for others, it may actually be a matter of waiting in the wings, always hoping beyond hope to one day be the next big, self-aggrandizing group leader type person, whose own excrement supposedly doesn't stink like everybody else's most certainly does. And yes, I really do think that most people really are just that tribal. I think human beings as a whole are often simply far too group-centric for their own good. Oh well.

The Shameful Face of Social Media Narcissism

Don't ya just hate it when people personal message you, and always seem to want to gossip about their other "friends" on Facebook? I've unfortunately encountered a few people like that on "two-faced Facebook" over the years. By and large though, most of my social media friends haven't been that way, thank God, but just encountering even one or two folks like that can have the effect of really making a guy feel rather uncomfortable, and even more than a little suspicious.

But okay, fine. Whatever floats some people's social media boat, I guess. But seriously though, if you don't like something someone has said or done to you, just do your best to communicate with them about it personally. You know, FACE THE FACE, for crying out loud! Work it out, already. Or if the person is really THAT horrible, or just plain unapproachable, you could of course just unfriend or block them. And then just... move on with your life. For goodness sake, don't get mean, duplicitous, and snide about it.

PLEASE!

And whatever you do, don't right-click and copy your latest victim's Facebook profile picture, and then send it to me in a chat session, for God's sake! Yeah, seriously. That really happened to me recently. And though, to be fair and honest, I myself had had a prior (though certainly minor) bad experience with the individual in question, I gotta say that I still felt quite offended when my so called Facebook "friend" actually took the time and trouble to suddenly drop this dude's picture on me via chat.

I mean, how horrible! How juvenile even! So at the time, I was really left thinking, 'Sheesh! Are we all really still in junior high school?' I mean, come on! Worst of all, it left me wondering how I'd feel if somebody went to my social media of choice profile and did a right-click on my picture, just so they could run to another "friend" on Facebook (or wherever) and gossip about it!

But yes, I'd had a bit of a bad experience before, with the guy who was in the picture that my "friend" was suddenly sharing with me via Facebook chat. This dude (the one in the picture) had in fact friended me many, many months prior, only to then, very soon after, promptly unfriend me! Okay. Whatever, social media "friend" type person. Neither of us has ever even met FACE TO FACE, so who cares if you suddenly decided, first that you thought you liked me enough to friend me, and THEN, that you just as suddenly came to the conclusion that you really DON'T like me as much as you first thought you did.

Okay. Whatever.

Either way, it seems I managed to upset the guy in the picture my "friend" was suddenly presenting me with when he suddenly popped up in chat one day. Thing is though, at the time, he neglected to inform me that it was actually a multi-party chat session! And since absolutely no one else but he and I were commenting (and I really was busy at the moment and didn't notice that we weren't really having only a two way conversation), I naturally started to talk to this guy as if it was just him and me.

But to make a long story considerably shorter, when I finally figured all this out, I told this dude that, quite frankly, since I had not been informed from the get go, if I was going to have to chat with more than one person, I really didn't feel at all comfortable to continue.

This guy then replied, "X marks the spot," to let me know that all I had to do was close my chat window and be done with it. So I did. And very soon after, I of course discovered that Mr. Former Facebook Friend (which is what I think I'll call him here, because he honestly didn't even bother to so much as ask if I was free to chat at that moment - let alone inform me that it was a multiparty chat session) had suddenly unfriended me.

Okay. Swell! Great even. Done deal.

But apparently, we weren't quite done just yet.... Oh no. No. Nope. Uh-uh. Not even. You see, this dude, and my Other Facebook Friend are both big fans of a certain movie franchise. I love that particular movie franchise myself of course, but I've found that just because other people share my love of that particular sci-fi property, it does NOT mean that I actually have anything else in common with them.

It also, sadly, does not necessarily mean that I can trust, in any appreciable way, shape, or form, any of the people who gravitate together in any of the Facebook groups that celebrate this particular sci-fi movie franchise. Yeah.... Bummer. But hey, that's life, right?

But then, I often shudder to think how "social media" has (or should that be 'anti-social media?'), these days, apparently turned so many so-called "adults" into something suspiciously akin to sniveling little gossips and attention whoring, arm chair politicos, who crave image sharing "likes" and "following," and whom often seem to want nothing more than the power and attention gregariously bestowed upon them by simply becoming the much vaunted head honcho in some darned Facebook group.

Whoa, dude! This meme may be kinda harsh, but it certainly makes a very good point about spending too much time online.

And hey! Lots and lots of people still love Facebook, I guess, so there really is no need to pick on either that particular form of social media, or on all the literally millions (including yours very truly) who honestly do sometimes benefit from it.

Whatever the case may in fact be for anyone and everyone involved, I really must get back to the real issue at hand. Which is that, while responding to what might actually turn out to be a form of chat session baiting, I might even actually end up initially agreeing with someone, that this or that "friend" (that they've decided to target this time around) really is kinda weird, annoying, or in some other way unpleasant.

And why not, right? It's only natural, after all, that when a "friend" approaches you with a grievance about someone they think is creepy, annoying, or even just mildly or entertainingly offensive, that as a friend, I should feel compelled (at first) to take their side in the matter. Of course!

I mean, ain't that what real friends are for?

But then again... if you're coming to me with that kind of clandestine venom about someone you are still very much "friends" with on Facebook (even though that particular person is clearly no longer MY friend, and you damn well KNOW IT), isn't it only natural that I should end up wondering what you are probably also saying about ME behind MY back?

Hmm. Or maybe you're just enjoying the process of pushing my buttons yet again. Maybe you're just manipulating me to get what you want via Facebook, a media platform that surreptitiously gives you ready access to scads and scads of unsuspecting folks that don't know who you really, truly are BEHIND THE AVATAR. Whether you even so much as realize all this about your narcissistic social media celebrity seeking self or not....

So think about all this, my "friend." If you haven't already, you really should. Think hard. Think long. What you're up to really isn't all that hard to figure out, you know. And the more you do it, the more obvious it's going to become to others - no matter how clever you may think you're being in the matter.

Really makes ya wonder sometimes, doesn't it, who people REALLY are BEHIND THE AVATAR?

Okay, I confess! There absolutely are people I myself really, honestly don't like a whole heck of a lot. But then, let's "face" it, pretty much everyone has people in their life that they simply don't particularly care for, or just need to complain about every now and then, don't they? I mean, who doesn't get annoyed with some (or even many of) the people around them sometimes? We may even (and especially) dislike or just have "issues" with family members and co-workers. Surely, all these interpersonal conundrums are normal in most cases, right?

So I guess it's just plain human to feel upset at various people for all sorts of reasons (great and small) from time time. That's just the nature of most typically flawed human relationships, after all.  And when we feel this way, as perfectly normal human beings, most of us usually do need to vent a little. And why not?

See, I figure that venting, and simply letting it all go with the help of someone you can really trust, is what good, healthy relationships are really all about. Well, I'm no practicing psychotherapist, mind you, but I really do know how to be a genuine, honest to goodness FRIEND, and I'd say that it's perfectly normal and healthy under most circumstances, to feel the need to let off a little steam by complaining (in private) about people that we may find particularly irksome.

Further, I do admit that it's really hard sometimes, to face people that may be odd, bothersome, or just plain rub us the wrong way. Particularly if those people just happen to be family members, or co-workers that are technically in a "superior" position. After all, how DOES one tell someone who's supposed to be a "friend" (or God forbid a relative, or "superior") that they are sometimes really annoying, off putting, or have genuinely offended us -- WITHOUT hurting their feelings, or causing a big stir?

Actually, in my own case, it honestly doesn't take all that much for me to want to distance myself from certain people that, over time, I come to recognize as just plain "toxic." So yes, I freely admit that as the years of my life have rolled on by, I have unfortunately run into various people along the way, that, even if I don't necessarily "hate" them, I eventually find that, no matter how much I may want to, I simply cannot trust them much further than I could physically throw them to not hurt me -- whether intentionally or not.

So really, when it comes to human interactions, it's all about trust. And self protection; which absolutely everyone is entitled to, I figure. Of course it's a shame to ever have to feel this way about certain people, but alas... ain't that just another painful part of all too Human Life down here on poor old, rapidly becoming more and more overpopulated, war-torn, and polluted Mother Earth?

Boy, ain't that the sad truth!

Even sadder and more worrisome still, many social media predatory types aren't just venting to let off a little steam like the average, normal, healthy person. Some of them may even display signs of what tends to look suspiciously like narcissistic personality disorder. Individuals like this clearly crave an inordinate amount of attention -- usually as a form of badly needed self validation. Worse still, is that although they may feel the need to have a really long "friend list" on Facebook, in most cases, they are not truly capable of either feeling genuine empathy, or of being trusted as a true and lasting friend.

Okay, party on, haters! But don't forget that I (and others who may actually be wise enough) have definitely got your number. And even though I'm decent enough to not mention anyone's name in public (which may actually constitute slander at worst, or at best, a nasty case of cyber bullying), sooner or later, just by interacting with you, everybody is going to find out what you're really up to behind the scenes. It's only a matter of time then, before people discover the other face lurking behind your usual, more socially acceptable (and therefore mostly fake) mask.

So don't worry. I'm not after you or anyone else personally. Most of all, I'm simply not going to play your game. I'm only writing this to let you know (in as honest and straightforward a fashion as society commonly allows) that I'm above all that. And, doggonit, you really should be too. In fact, I've got real world problems of my own to deal with, just like everybody else, and better things to do with my time, believe me, than to go around spreading lies and innuendo about absolutely anyone behind their back.

In the Modern Cyber Age, We Were ALL Born to be Princes of the Universe!

Ah! I figured it out! I now know in what way I myself may be trying to be the savior of the universe!  Or, at least the vaunted center of Facebook and Google+ attention (or Twitter, or whatever you're into) that so many people seem to crave so very, very much.

Not that any one person in a day and age where more and more of the SEVEN BILLION PLUS people of the Earth are getting hooked up to the Internet, could anyone actually ever truly be any real center of attention for any sort of indefinite period of time, mind you.

And let's be honest, most people on Facebook and the other social media sites are just trying to build their own self serving little evil empire, while mostly ignoring everyone else. Aren't they?

Well... not everybody, I guess.

But perhaps, it is through shameless, ribald psychoanalysis, that I may be trying desperately to stand out above the rest of the bleating, braying, needy herd. Or... I could just be somebody who doesn't buy into BS all that readily.

Hmm.

Yes... I could just be somebody who can see right through the usually transparent ways that people naturally (and often, unconsciously) try to dominate and control their environment, and everyone around them, via various forms of attention seeking.

Yeah. That's it! Yeah! I'll just keep telling myself that. And when it comes to you doing whatever you may be doing in your own self interest, you should keep telling yourself the positive, "bright side" excuse for that, too.

An Open Note to Everybody Out There in the Mystical Land of Facebook

My advice is, if somebody on Facebook annoys you, (even and especially me) even just a little, just drop 'em. No hard feelings. Just drop 'em. Or wait till they drop you. Block 'em if you have to, in the case that they don't get it.  'Cause sometimes, some people just don't want to get it.

Because let's be perfectly honest - social media, for many, many people, is really just a business endeavor. And that business is self promotion - whether most people who frequently utilize social media want to admit it or not.

Sure, some people make genuine friends on Facebook, and I myself really enjoy seeing everyone's pictures; whether what they're sharing is their honest to goodness pride in their artistic endeavors, to their favorite collectibles, or their pride in their family members. I'm good with all that, really.   More power to ya! I salute and support you. As often as I can, in fact... by sitting and clicking "like" for hours sometimes, when I really could be doing something a lot more productive for myself.

Anyway, I've made a few really genuine friends on Facebook over the years myself. And you know who you are. There are a lot of people I've met on Facebook, in fact, that I value a great deal. I feel like I know them like I know many of the good people from my home town that I grew up with.

In fact, some of the people I've met via social media might even be better friends than some of the people I've known face to face throughout the course of my life. But still, there are many who don't really know me at all. And from what I can see from watching them, I honestly don't think they are really interested in me as a person anyway.

They want me to "like" their posts, bolster their almighty Friends List Number, buy their products, and agree with their politics, and... all that other stuff. Which is fine, I guess. Well, I don't know about anybody else, but I only have a certain amount of time for any of that. Maybe... because, like a lot of other people, in the final analysis, I'm just way too busy with my own problems. And with minding my own damn business.