Nostalgia

I was a really little kid in the early 1970s (insert your decade here), too. I remember those days really, really well. I remember long, sun kissed summer days walking "up town" in my tiny hometown (population 3,000 or so), with my mother and her long train of children ('cause I was third in line, out of six), because my parents only had one car, and my mother didn't even have a driver's license.

I remember the big "Gas Crisis" of the mid 70s! I remember being really ashamed of having a dumb ass peanut farmer in the White House (and I like peanuts), who couldn't even launch a successful rescue attempt to get our hostages out of Iran. And gee, the memory of that, even to this very day, still really stinks.

Heck, I even remember the late 1960s! I was knee high to a grasshopper, but probably my very first really good impression was of Richard Nixon, whom my father would have me mimic for any and all guests who showed up at the house. Yep! There I was, a tiny kid, standing in the kitchen, making "the Peace Sign" with both hands raised in the air, with a big grin, shaking my head back and forth, pretending to have Nixon's trademark jowls, saying, "I am not a crook!"

I remember all the songs that I still love to listen to, too. I remember all the wonderful American toys that were produced then (and I still collect many of them), and all the kitschy, low budget TV shows, 'cause all we had to watch were between three and five channels, and if something half way decent was on, everybody watched that crap. Whether it was actually good or not.

But that's nostalgia. And nostalgia is great, but it's not really real, you know. It's a product of the human mind. It's a romantic notion that things used to be better than they are today. Actually, some things were better back then, but some things just weren't all that good. And you know what? It's the same today! Nowadays, some things are better than they used to be... and some things still just plain stink.

And sorry everybody, but a big part of the reason why nostalgia does and doesn't really have the same effect on me that it seems to have on a lot of people who "linger in the past," is that my mother believed (and for all I know still believes beyond the shadow of a doubt) that "everything was better in the 50s." And she reminded us quite frequently by saying that "all that shit that you kids listen to" was no where near as good as the music of the 50s. As a result, as you can imagine, I listened to a lot of her music and still like it to this day. But was all that music of the 70s and 80s "shit?" I sincerely doubt that.

On the Nature of Forgiveness

Of course it's good to "forgive and forget," but make no mistake; forgiveness is nothing to take or give lightly. Nor should it be cheapened by being doled out indiscriminately like counterfeit currency, like Biblical "pearls before swine."

Sure, forgive often, but do not forget blindly or all too easily. In fact, if the injury from a given individual is repeated, time and time again, you may actually be dealing with a characteristically belligerent person, a serially abusive personality; someone who's obviously just plain predatory, and has simply learned over a lifetime of antisocial behavior that they can endlessly avoid true repentance by regularly cashing in all their "good Christian" forgiveness chips. I mean, whatever happened to, "Go, and sin no more?"

Come on! You know darn well who I'm talking about; that "Eh! S/he treats everybody that way" bully at work, in the "family," etc. That type of frequent offender "friend" (a.k.a., "frenemy"), co-worker, or habitually predatory relative type person that never seems to realize what a jerk they actually are.

Also, remember that turning a blind eye to bad behavior doesn't really solve the problem. In fact, it usually means the opposite; it means that a given transgression will most definitely be repeated. Why? Well, because by being silent or avoidant, you actually educated them that they could get away with being belligerent all the time, silly!

Duh.

So there really is no shame whatsoever in letting someone who repeatedly harms you know the damage that they've done; not once, not twice, but over and over again. Let's face it, if you allow certain individuals to repeatedly get away with their thoughtless transgressions, don't you think that you run the risk of educating them that they can also get away with doing the same to others?

I mean, if you honestly believe that constantly submitting to abuse like the perfect Christ-like sacrificial victim is actually healthy or even beneficial over the long or even short term, then maybe, just maybe, you may have entirely misinterpreted the true meaning of the Gospels. Or even worse, you may very well have been misled by others to begin with.

Either way, seeking to protect oneself from a serially abusive individual by attempting to finally put a stop to the harmful behavior, or barring that, simply taking positive steps to remove oneself from the situation altogether, does not make anyone either unforgiving or "not a good Christian." It just means that, finally, "enough is enough!"

Sure, you should forgive those who persecute you, but if you keep continually going back for more, what kind of message is that sending, not only to the bully, but to other potential victims? The bottom line is that Christ died for our sins so no one else would have to! And if you missed that particular part of the New Testament, you might just wanna go back and re-read, and at the very least carefully reconsider, that particular part of "the good book."

Because the truth is that Christ, "the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world," willingly gave himself up to be the eternal "spotless victim" so that no one else would ever have to suffer like that again. Quite literally, the Crucifixion was meant to finally put a stop to the suffering of sinners, and not to suggest that anyone else should continually be forced to endlessly play the victim.

After all, as they say, "Charity starts at home," and habitually abusive people can never truly learn new and better ways of treating others unless they are made aware of just how much damage they continually cause. And by letting them know that you're simply not going to take anymore, you may not just be helping yourself, but protecting the next potential victim. Did you ever think about it that way?

Either way, most perfectly ordinary, flawed human beings (and goodness knows, we all are in various ways) don't really change or make amends unless finally motivated or even forced to do so. So again, true repentance is in order here, not the continual, clearly unhealthy submission to serial abuse.

So gather your courage. Put your foot down, once and for all. Remember, bullies can only continue to take advantage of you if you let them. And if you can't fight back on your own, don't be too proud to seek help. Because everyone deserves that. No one deserves to be repeatedly battered, and if you honestly think you do, then maybe you're the one with the problem.

Most importantly, those who persecute us often simply don't even realize the full extent of the harm they're doing to others. Remember, "s/he just treats everybody like that?" Well maybe people just say things like that because they don't care about you or anyone else. Maybe that's just an excuse to "not get involved." They just want you to shut up and go away.

Maybe people who they really shouldn't be allowed to continually get away with bullying or outright abusive behaviors. Maybe it's time they were finally taught a lesson. Maybe they just need a good old fashioned wake-up call. Who knows, some particularly abusive and serially harmful individuals may even need to finally be given a well deserved taste of their very own medicine.